Autism and - especially - Asperger's Syndrome (now an outdated term since the cat of Dr Asperger's enthusiastic Nazism and experiments on children has been let out of the bag) have in recent years become well-known and 'interesting'. This is partly due to such books as Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time. More recently, the concept of the Autistic Spectrum has gained currency.

I have been reading the brilliant Jodi Picoult's House Rules, her investigation of the condition of - and conditions caused by - Asperger's. For the past couple of years I had noticed that I had certain traits described as autistic or aspergerish, and this pretty penetrating novel encouraged me to list and evaluate them - especially since a brief acquaintance (a bully to his family) had told me that I had "no empathy".

So I decided to draw up a list of my own Aspie traits, and those which I do not have.

THE INABILITY TO GRIEVE.

The myth of the unempathetic autist arises because Aspies seem not to grieve, but remain unaffected by the death of someone close to them. They are 'stony-hearted'.

The above-mentioned neighbour who accused me of having no empathy did so because the evening before I had to "put down" my beloved Belgian shepherd dog, I went to his house for dinner in response to an earlier invitation. He and his wife insisted that I leave the dog in my car (where he was happy and quiet on his own, unlike when he was left alone in the house), and I endured a dinner with a lecturing-hectoring and dominating old man (of my age) who repeated his usual political sermons to me and his mousey, almost wordless wife. I did not mention the next day's appointment with death, and obviously showed no sign that I would be ending my dog's life - at the insistent request of a neighbour whose pet cat he had killed - along with sundry stray kittens and several chickens. She was quite prepared to go to the police, so I reluctantly decided that Astérix would 'have to go', and that I would take responsibility for the murder myself and not go to some cosy and sterile veterinary clinic to have it taken out of my hands. Moreover, I had a stash of Chloroquine in my freezer (just in case my own life became impossible one way or another) so I could test it out on him.

On the afternoon after the invitation to a dreary dinner I followed all the online instructions for death by Chloroquine, which I gave him in his dinner. There was no effect for nearly an hour. Then he was taken for a walk around the ramparts which he enjoyed with his nose as usual. Near the end, he suddenly stopped, stared in front of him for a couple of seconds, and dropped dead. I would call this 'a good death'. He was buried in a beautiful place under beech trees very near where he died and only 300 metres from my home. I often and sadly pass his grave. I still mourn his death and those of my previous dogs.

Obviously, it was my calm (almost proud, maybe self-satisfied) account of this the following day which made my neighbour think I had no feelings at all, rather than realising that by taking control of Asterix's death and funeral I was channelling them - in private. Privacy is very important to people On the Autistic Spectrum, and the grief that they feel is very private, and often expressed practically. I am very good in 'major crises', calm and effective -whereas minor incidents with officals (and securiy personnel, soldiers, police) can induce a tantrum, even in my eightieth year.

In a typical Aspie way I wrote to my neighbour - who, incidentally and I guess falsely claimed that his daughter had been autistic - explaining the situation and recounting to him details of my empathetic life, such as feeling anguish in my gut when I see animals and plants being abused, and devoting many years to the moral, mental and financial support of a friend; such as being unable to watch on-screen violence or sex, or refuse a beggar asking for money... My neighbour did not reply, and has not spoken to me since.

People who put on performances of grief at a death are like those supermarket customers who watch all their items pass through the check-out, and only when handed the till-bill (or closure) start rummaging in their bag and their wallets for their card or their cash.

STUPIDITY/USELESSNESS OF CHILD GUIDANCE PSYCHOLOGIST..
her rigid (and, of course, learned) lack of imagination

OBSESSION WITH TRUTH/FACTS also fairness & probity - after leaving school;

SOCIAL ANTHROPOLOGY, PSYCHOLOGY, MORAL PHILOSOPHY (impatience with dry academicism and subsequent going-it-alone with megaliths and exhibitionists)
Seeking WISDOM and the Profound Experience (refer also to sex)

ASSUMPTION THAT OTHERS WILL BE INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU FIND INTERESTING (driving people around megaliths and churches)

LOVE-AFFAIR WITH INFORMATION - INFORMATION BEING MY ENTERTAINMENT
LIKING TO BE CORRECTED AND INFORMED

INABILITY TO FABRICATE (NO IMAGINATION)

INBILITY TO TALK DOWN TO KIDS ETC. but can Talk Silly to dogs, Malc, plants and furniture...trees and the moon. Silliness allied to playfulness in sex.

INABILITY FOR SMALL-TALK (+ arty-intellectualism)("Comment ça va ?) Doesn't like people in photographs (except of course for portraits).

LOVE OF ARISTOTELIAN LOGIC, STATISTICS...population control, anti-natalism

HEAD-BANGING AND OTHER SELF-DIRECTED VIOLENCE
Striking out blindly when teased or goaded.

LIVING IN FOG OF UNKNOWING UNASKING (about home life, father etc.; lack of interest in families and patrristic genealogy) DISSOCIATIVE STATE
(see also ONE.htm)

ANTI-NATALISM, interest in Population Control. Reduce human population by 90% "to save the planet". ASHAMED TO BE HUMAN

IMPULSIVENESS/IMPATIENCE with people ; DISAPPOINTMENT in people (referring to Mattie and Girlie's reliability)..

BAD READING OF FACES (two or three friendly-looking adults when young, many others since) due to aesthetic bias. A poor (or different) Theory of Mind- can there be only one kind ? GOOD READING OF MAPS AND FORMS. Landscape-memory

NAIVETY; Inability and reluctance to tell jokes. Dislike of 'dirty jokes' unless very witty.

ÆSTHETIC IMPERATIVE...
NEAR-OBSESSION WITH arrangement OF OBJECTS (starting with Sam K.) and neatness but not with hygiene AWARENESS OF PATTERNS (INCLUDING BEHAVIOURAL etc.) ELEGANCE (logs elegantly on the fire, balanced piles e.g. of books, matches all pointing the same way, mugs arranged in order of size, plants displayed in simple, elegant pots...)

HORROR OF MAKE-UP (especially clowns)....LOVE OF BEARDS!

FASCINATION WITH WORDS and origins of words AS OPPOSED TO NUMBERS arty-intellectualism

LITERATURE NOT MATHEMATICS - hence shoplifting (books, then records) (food even from friends, once an antique which I returned)

POOR MOTOR-SKILLS (especially writing) Forced reversal of left-handedness
Dislike of Sports, liking for board-games, croquet, tennis (but terrible) and table-tennis;

LIKING OF SOLITUDE - RARELY if ever wanted to be part of a group, but when I had to be I wanted sneak off, or to be unexceptionable, unnoticed. (But Shack ?)
ON THE OTHER HAND, longing for someone whom I feel has something in common with me (cf homosexual desire, someone fancying me) longing to share (e.g. love of megaliths or pottery...)

OVERSENSITIVITY TO NOISE, BRIGHT LIGHTS

COPY-EDITING AND WRITING COMMENTS IN BOOKS

EARLY PROBLEMS WITH EATING ?

HORROR OF KISSING until I "came out"... slow awakening...and started to rid myself of the Fog
Greater interest in aesthetic eroticism than in sex. Dislike of penetration.
tendency to gravitate towards other ASDs and Despised People (Cerebral palsied, cripples, those poorer than me)

RECENT SKIN SENSITIVITY

'SYMPTOMS' INCREASE WITH OLD AGE (avoiding people). ACQUIRED ASPERGER'S SYNDROME = some sort of wisdom ? (ever-increasing dislike of xmas, no birthday nonsense; suspicion of all labelling and categorising.)

I guess I belong to a minor branch of the Aspy non-family.

THE MAIN CONTRARIES : SEEING BIG PICTURE; UNDERSTANDING BUT DISLIKE OF METAPHOR;
ACUTE UNDERSTANDING OF MOST SOCIAL SIGNALS (ESPECIALLY THOSE OF BOREDOM OR DISCOMFORT)

A TENDENCY TO RESIST AND BREAK RULES

EAGERNESS TO HAVE NEW EXPERIENCES ESPECIALLY ART & MUSIC...